Time

Twenty nineteen has been one of passing the baton from what was to what is; from what has been to what might be. Twenty nineteen has been a relay that I chose to run alone, in circles around a track that is familiar and worn by the steps I have taken over and over and over again.

In keeping, I set my laps by relapses, and my intervals by the time and distance between Swenny’s last and next drinks. The pace has become unrelenting, though, without consideration for cirrhosis and its complications or forgiveness for the false starts from which I have leaned away. And into a race I can’t finish.

Because I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.

But I can start over. As one runner on one lap. May it be long. May it be happy.

It’s time to begin, isn’t it? ~ Imagine Dragons

5 thoughts on “Time

  1. Jim Simmonds says:

    Cher, it’s been a while so I’m guessing from that and this last post that things have been difficult for you. You seem so supportive and patient. Don’t know whether you’ve ever picked up on Alcoholicdaze.blogspot.com . The woman who writes this blog lost her husband to drink but may have something to say that could be helpful. Just a thought.
    Jim x

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  2. Addy says:

    Thank you both for your comments. I am blushing!

    Cher, it sounds like 2019 has been a tough year (when has living with an alcoholic been anything else?) Your new life is still raw with the memories of the old one. Time will make a difference and eventually you will move onto happiness. I’m not saying you will forget. The memories still come to the fore with me, but nearly ten years on, I feel I have distanced myself enough for them not to cloud my days. Indeed – you did not cause it, you could not control it and you did not cure it. Swenny is responsible for all three. Whether he can cure it is down to him and him alone. Life is too short for you to stand patiently by and waste your life in the vain hope things might change. Sending hugs and strength.

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  3. Your church office fan says:

    Thinking of you, Cherie. I’m praying for both of you. For you, I hope you find happiness in other ways; it’s okay to lean on your kids a little at holidays. What an example and a loving parent you have been for them. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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