Alone Together

The morning after Swenny traded his job for a drink, I asked him to find another place to live. I want him to work on his sobriety away from home, providing a much needed break for our family and hopefully new focus for him. A friend offered him a room, a job and support as an addict in longterm recovery.

Why then, is he still here?

Because I’m not strong enough to make him go.

The days and weeks ahead are full of uncertainty.  Is it better to navigate alone?  Together? Alone together?  After being a couple for 30 years, how is it possible that divide and conquer is our best strategy to confront our most challenging circumstances yet?

As I turn these questions over and over in my mind, I churn up more.  Two in particular demand answers.  Do I love him too much to watch him go? Or not enough to make him?


3 thoughts on “Alone Together

  1. learnhowiwrite says:

    Motivating someone to do anything has nothing to do with strength or will or whatever one may think is necessary to facilitate another’s action. I drank for twenty years, plus and tried over and over again to get help, fix the problem, to…you can fill in the blank. Nothing worked until I became motivated on my very own and asked for help. Now, I was so sick, it was almost impossible for me to know left from right let alone whether I was in need of help or just what kind of help. Fortunately, someone I love very much said, I love you so much I am not going to hang around and watch you die. I think you need help and I cannot give it to you. Your, (again, fill in the blanks), cannot give it to you. If you want me to help you find someone who can and will help you, I will help you do that. Otherwise, we will have to go our separate ways. Sadly, like me, Swenny does not know what to do and leaving his options open without follow through he is going to continue to do the only thing he knows how to do at this point. Sorry, but in a way, you are his own worst enemy. Best wishes, it took me six months of residential treatment and six months of IOP care followed by regular meetings with others just like me. With kids in the mix, don’t you think you owe them the chance at a real life?


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