If there was a map documenting our recovery journey, it would reveal a cluster of circles that share a beginning and an end. Years ago, the circle was small to match the problem we thought we were facing. As the seriousness of Swenny’s alcoholism grew, the circles became increasingly larger to reflect the growing strength called for in our response.
In early June, the cartographer’s pen returned to the beginning, where it has been ever since. What should we do now? The next steps require large financial and emotional investments. I’m not quite ready to take those risks, and I don’t think he is either.
Two years ago, we researched inpatient and outpatient treatment programs. Eligibility was determined by a phone interview between him and the provider. The interviewer concluded that he did not need that level of treatment, to which Swenny sighed great relief. I questioned the integrity of the process and moved on to research sober houses.
Now, according to Swenny, the interview indicated he would benefit from intense outpatient treatment. That was three weeks ago and no steps have been taken to enroll. There seems to be less urgency this time around. Is it because nothing has helped yet, and the cost of failure increases with each attempt? Or is it that because nothing has helped, we have no expectation of a future without alcoholism?